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13/10/2020

Today, I won't be writing any poems. Today I'd like to think and type freely. 

She's amazing. Every part of her. Every thought of her cripples me. I don't know how it happened. Meeting her was fate, being her friend was a choice but feeling things for her I had no control over.

 I understand her, atleast I think I do. After Aysha I taught myself that I actually didn't need anyone to be the best person I could be. Now I'm falling back into that's same circle. But on a different level. 

She's different. And I get that everyone is, but she's literally the dream. the drug. The pain and the laughter. If I'd ever have a spontaneous relationship where we'd be able to discuss and be the best version of ourselves, it would be with her. Atleast for now. But that's what life does right? Shows you what you need, then stops you from getting it. And I'm in that space rn. The "so be it" phase. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't. Life goes on. If this isn't what God wants for me then I trust him. I trust that someone better is coming. I read somewhere that sometimes loving someone doesn't mean fighting for them, sometimes it means letting them go.  And I've never been one to act selfishly, or even think about acting. And that's what I'm doing recently. I trust that she was fine before she met me, and will be fine after me. I'm now going to focus on being a better me. A better person to myself and my future wife and kids. A better person to God. A better person to my parents and friends. Not that I'm currently not but we can always do better. 

So Allah help me.

Ameen

15/10/2020

Update : I think I love her.

I looked in her eyes today and I felt like I was staring into my future. I know it sounds stupid but I don’t recall ever getting lost in anybody’s eyes. The entire feeling is different, taking the fact hat I’ve never loved someone before she loved me. Till now.